I broke down during my workout yesterday with my trainer, I hadn't done that since the first time I worked out with him. I'm not sure what causes it I guess just the release of endorphins & you're releasing stress and you're pushing yourself and it's hard and you're tired and muscles hurt and it all just comes together and I break down in tears.
But whatever it is it's stuck with me through today. I just finished working out at the gym on my own, burned approximately 400 cal and pushed it on the elliptical and then got down and did some ab work with the medicine ball and again broke down during my workout.
I'm having this fight inside myself too to attend a group therapy meeting for my eating disorder. Why is it a fight? Because I found out about it almost 3 weeks ago and I still can't fun the courage to go. I don't know why. I want help, I want to figure out WHY I binge and WHY I think about food all the time and WHY I can't seem to find joy in things unless they are centered around food.
Also this last week I have been so excited (at first) about our cruise in December but lately I have been stressing that I won't enjoy myself if I still have the weight on me. I know I will, it's only 5 months away, so I won't be even close to my goal weight and I am stressing about that. In my last post I set up a goal for Dec. that now when I realistically look at it I KNOW I can't make that, so I'm setting myself up for failure.
So I am pondering all this as I lie here on the decompression table at my chiropractor trying to relieve my back pain. He said everything looks good but the L5, it's compressed, the disk is bulging & pushing on my sciatic. Let's just hope as the weight comes off it lessens some of this pain.
So I guess today, with the rain & tears will be a struggle for me. I walked up to my hubby this morning and just hugged him. I looked up with tears in my eyes and said I don't know what is wrong but I'm struggling. So if you are struggling also please know that I feel your pain and understand how it hurts. We have strength inside of ourselves, I believe we do but we have to learn have to bring it to the surface.
Have a good day everyone.
I am so glad you shared this. It's so hard and to know I'm not the only one who struggles like that!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. This post was a, post of the moment. I literally voiced the words because they were so hard to get out. I thought for so long that I was different, that there was something wrong with me. I know that there are behaviors I need to change, but I am not alone in them and if there is anything good that comes from all this is that we help each other by learning we are not struggling alone, together we can find the strength to overcome it. :) (((( Hugs ))))
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