Remember Me?

     I can't believe it's has been ALMOST 2 months since my last post. That is so bad, I feel bad. I've had some friends ask if I still had my blog and I reluctantly say yes. So why haven't I posted?  To be brutally honest...... I'm embarrassed.

     I'm ashamed I haven't been the encouraging person I've wanted to be. I'm embarrassed to post that I'm NOT beating my struggles but in fact letting them beat me.  I've given in, hidden, shrunk back, cheated, been lazy, you name it, I have probably done it........EXCEPT for given up. 

     What was different this time is I recognized I was struggling, I could feel the stress and see how I was responding and even though I was aware I was not being triumphant all the time.  That, I feel, is an importent part of my journey, being aware of how you feel when you are doing whatever you are doing.  If we can do that ....  we are learning ...  And learning is all part of the process right?

     In the last 2 months I have been an intentional dieter. I hate to use the "D" word but it's the best way I can think to describe it. You know, I start my day out eating right and my "intention" is to continue through out the day BUT something will happen and I veer off.  I "intend" to start the next day better but ....... You all know what I mean. Now during the last 2 months I did keep taking the Garcinia Cambosia periodically. (especially when I knew I was about to eat a meal that was well...."off plan"). So when I got back on he scale today ( and yes, I have been avoiding the scale like the plague)  it's wasn't as bad as it could have been. 

     The last time I weighed was approximately in the beginning of Sept and I weighed 261.2. I was down 31.2 lbs. I was so happy, that meant that "intentional dieting" and the Garcinia had helped me not put back on any weight, I even lost 1.4 lbs. because the week prior time weighing myself I had cleaned up my diet a bit following Chris Powell's carb cycling plan. But again I let "things" get in the  way of putting my eating plan first, I didn't plan ahead and allowed myself to get too hungry, the you grab whatever. You know the drill. 

     So it brings me to this week. I have been tired of just letting what I want fall to the wayside. Sure I could give up on all this but INSIDE that's not what I really want. What I really want is to be successful, loose this weight, FEEL BETTER and be happy with ME! 

     So I got on the scale Monday morning Oct. 1, drum roll please.................

                    

                           263.6 lbs.          

     Yep, I had put on 2.4 lbs in the last month. Now, I realize some of you are going "I can't do that in a weakened, heck, and afternoon". Well me too. But with the off and on eating I had been doing and taking the Garcinia I managed ony 2.4 for the whole month. That is good for me. Now I could focus on the negative (which is what's normally do) but I immediately didn't. 

POSITIVES:

1- it was only 2.4 lbs & could have been more

2- I am AWARE and taking action now before I let it go higher. 

     So that is where I am. I'm not 100% yet from being sick but SO WHAT!  I have missed several workouts but SO WHAT! I am getting back on the horses I am taking action. 

                           I AM PICKING MYSELF BACK UP,  BY MYSELF,  FOR MYSELF!

     So I hope to be better for all this and finish off 2013 with some good numbers. 

Have a GREAT WEEK everyone and a GREAT OCTOBER!