Does your body need to Detox?? 5 Signs to look for....

I recently told you about the 10 Day Transformation Cleanse that I went through.  It was a game changer for me, it literally saved my life.  I have struggled for so long but was always a step behind in everything I did, not any more!

Cleansing & Detoxing my body allowed me actually STOP all the harm I had been doing to my body and give me a chance to catch up and get AT LEAST 1 or more steps ahead.....and what did that mean?  Energy, well being, better health, clearer skin and oh yeah,    WEIGHT LOSS!!!!

But you may be asking, do I really need to Detox? Is that right for my body?  The answer is Yes & No.

YES you need it BUT you need to do it the right way. NO...don't start hitting Google or Pinterest with all the lemon water, cayenne pepper and cucumber waters to flush out the toxins.  Trust me, all they will do is help you release some water, make you very weak & tired, loose some healthy muscle tissue and in the end, leave you STARVING then binging THEN gaining back the 3-5 lbs of water + some.  Sounds like I have done it before doesn't it? THAT'S BECAUSE I HAVE!  Sorry, didn't mean to yell, I just get really upset when I see people hurting themselves like that, especially when I know first-hand just how bad it is.   So then what is a person to do?  and why?

Detoxification is a natural part of our body's every day functions.  We go to the bathroom or sweat when we exert ourselves, that's just 2 of the ways we release toxins.  Unfortunately these processes don't always work as efficiently as they should because of our diets, environmental pollution, STRESS and lack of sleep.  What is the result?  We walk around with a festering toxic waste dump inside our body which can cause so many OTHER symptoms in our life and our health. Symptoms that masquerade as something else.

Here are 5 Signs that your body is SCREAMING for a Detox:

(1) ENERGY DRAIN
     One of the main complaints that doctors hear from their clients is that they are exhausted, nave no energy and rely on caffeinated pick-me-ups like coffee and diet soda to get through the day. This begs the question, why are we so crazy tired???  Simply put, we are sleeping less, stressing more and eating far worse than the 20-50 year olds of several decades ago.

(2) EXCESS WEIGHT

     A toxic body is typically an overweight one and usually the result of a heavily processed diet, filled with chemicals, pesticides, preservatives and alcohol. Removing toxins, reducing your chemical load and essentially creating a "clean slate" in an overtaxed system can and will create a shift in the body where weight falls off effortlessly.  YES It really will.

(3) CRAVINGS

     The vast majority of Americans have a sweet tooth, you are not alone. The nature of food addiction, more specifically, sugar addiction has been studied and shown to be extremely common and as intense as an addiction to opiates like cocaine & heroin.  Part of the reason it is so hard to kick the sugar habit is that over time our brains actually become addicted to the natural opioids that are triggered by sugar consumption.  Just like with drugs, a diet loaded with sugar can generate excessive reward signals in the brain which can override self-control and lead you on the road to addiction.  Researches at Princeton University report that sugar-loving mice demonstrate all 3 criteria of addictions: Increased intake, Withdrawal and Cravings that lead to relapse.  Kind of scary when you think about it!

(4) BRAIN FOG

     We may have other cute names for this 'problem' like mommy brain or "I'm not quite firing on all cylinders" but it's a serious matter.  This presents itself when the mind completely drifts off doing even the simplest of tasks like having a conversation with someone or anything that requires you to focus. Hello, anyone at home (as you knock on your head)

(5) TUMMY TROUBLES

     What trouble, you know like bloating, constipation or diarrhea, indigestion and re-flux, to name a few.  All of these are a direct result of 'garbage in, garbage out".  Many of these symptoms result from undiagnosed food allergies or sensitivities (like dairy, gluten or eggs) as well as the good bacteria in your intestines all being off balance.  Ewwwww

NOW, there are other symptoms that will present themselves from an overly toxic body:

• frequent illness
• stress
• mood swings
• poor sleep
• headaches
• skin breakouts
• body odor
• puffy eyes
• dark circles
• chronic pain
• LONG TERM Toxins can lead to: inflammation, autoimmunity, heart disease or cancer

So now you are probably sitting here thinking "Great, you really bummed me out today".........   

 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, that was not my intention, I would never tell you all this without giving you an idea of how to fix it.

Periodic cleansing can be just the boost to your health you are looking for and allow you to rid your body of built up toxins, have a stronger & healthier immune system and......wait  for it...LOSE WEIGHT! 

Just like you clean your house or change the oil in your car, you need to do an internal cleanse on your body to help you feel lighter and have more energy, kick those food cravings, clear away the fog, sleep so much better and have a general, good well-being feeling most of the time. Sound good?

This is what I did. It is the healthiest Cleanse option out there, the only USDA Certified Organic, Non GMO, NO fillers, additives, binders or preservatives whole Superfood program available. AND it not only removes the toxins but REPLACES them with dense superfoods at he same time. When you cells are nourished, your body thrives!

So you know you NEED to cleanse. You know you WANT to cleanse. So why not choose to do it with the support of someone who has been through it all, the good, the bad, the ugly and

 NOW the HEALTHY!

Contact me today to learn more and get a FREE one-on-one phone consultation with a Health Coach to make sure you choose the exact cleanse program for YOU!

Credit to mixwellness.com for information regarding 5 signs

Wrapping up 2014......onto 2015

So it's been a while since I posted, well a month & a half but has been so much going on, family, friends, work....you know the daily grind turns into the weekly grind, then the next thing you know the month is over. So let me catch you up!

I have been doing great with my Clean Eating Lifestyle.  I am learning so much each day!  I have been able to get creative with the recipes and I have found that Clean Eating is a WHOLE lot easier than I ever thought it would be.  Don't get me wrong, I am not completely perfect 100% of the time.  There have been some dinners, events, get togethers, moments and such that have led to eating some good 'ol comfort food BUT now, when I do that, I get right back on the horse.  That is something I have never been able to do.

So how did 2014 end?

So during the month of December I continued making good choices, I implemented my Purium Master Aminos & Power Shakes into my daily regimen and I am PROUD to say that by the end of December I was down a total of: 

  With so much going on I forgot to measure myself BUT I know the inches just keep coming off.  How do I know? Duh, my clothes keep getting looser and I can shop out of the boxes of smaller clothes in my basement (good thing for those cause this chic does not have wardrobe $$ right now)  What is cool though is I have checked my weight records (I have them going back 3-4 yrs) and I am smaller now at this weight than I used to be. Did I say that right?  What I mean is I am wearing small clothes now at 246 lbs than I did when I used to weigh this amount.  Which means......thanks to Purium I am keeping my muscle mass and it is truly FAT that is going away.  That in itself is a BIG deal.  I have done SO MANY other programs and NONE of them were able to do that for me, plus none of them were so simple and easy to follow which is what I need right now in my life.  I just don't have the knowledge, time or desire to be making fancy or complicated meals NOR do I want to be eating out of some frozen meal box or a package protein bar.  I want real food, the kind that was meant for our bodies, the kind that heals them and bring them back to a proper functioning machine. How about you?

So what's going on for 2015?

Well thank you for asking, I am approaching this year with a whole new mindset. It's all about "Eating Clean in 2015", that is my first mantra.  It's how I want to approach food. This year is about my health & not about the scale.  I have focused on the numbers on the scale my entire life and look where I still am, so CLEARLY that is not working. 

Think for a moment: We value our cars do we not? We clean them, get oil changes, put in quality gas, would you say you LOVE your car? Some people do but we certainly do appreciate what they do for us and we take care of them. And if they are not 'working' efficiently then we look under the hood to see what is wrong. Do we put soda in the gas tank for fuel? Do we change the oil with crisco? If the engine is knocking do we just take a part of our a generic box labeled "will fix your engine" and place it under the hood?  NO WE WOULD NOT!!!

But yet every day we just put 'junk' into our bodies.  Do we LOVE our body? Of course we do, we wake up every day with a desire to live so we do have a level of love for our body....so WHY are we putting CRAP into them???  You may not like this reality but it's true. We want our body to work for us. We want to walk places, run sometimes, get up & down with ease, dance when our favorite song comes on, twirl when the breeze hits us just right, stop and pose when we see a mirror, jump when we see a puddle. All these things may seem small but they are EVERY DAY actions that many of us just can't do because we are not taking care of our 'engines'. This needs to stop people! And I include myself in this. I

want my body to be a Well Oiled Machine in 2015. I want it to perform in the top of it's class. I want the engine to purrrr and not spit & sputter to get going.

So everyone take this VOW with me:

If we go into 2015 with this mindset then we are all set up for success and failure will not be an option for any of us.  If you agree and vow to do this, please comment below with your approval and share this post with a friend who you feel could use the same encouragement. This journey DOES NOT have to be a lonely one. Together we can support each other to take back our health and really LIVE in 2015!

2nd 10 Day Cleanse, Check it out!

A 2nd cleanse? You heard it right. The 10 Day Transformation Cleanse is so healthy for your body AND safe you can do them back to back if you want.  I took a little break between as you know, 2 1/2 weeks to be precise 

(and went on a 4 nt cruise in those 2 wks).

Are YOU happy with YOUR success?

     What is success?  When asked what makes a person successful many start to list money, career, family, homes, cars.....blah blah blah!   BLAH?  So many people strive for those things THEIR ENTIRE LIVES only to fall short, or at least they never get ALL that they want so they feel like a failure. What an awful way to live your life.
Now don't get me wrong, sure it's nice to be financially independent, have a beautiful home & family and some nice wheels, but something I have learned over the years is, You can't be happy with a lot until you are happy with a little.

     This is not a new comparison, that thought process has proved true for years (and I mean years) even in the bible, "faithful in little....faithful in much".   So why do I ask if you are happy with your success?  Because TODAY I reached a milestone, a small one in my long journey BUT none the less a milestone and I am HAPPY.  I am over the moon with excitement and I want to share it with the world!
     For so many years I would always look at the big picture, 120+ lbs to loose "ugh".  I've only lost 10 lbs "ugh".  So my pants zip now "ugh"  GET THE IDEA!
      
     I didn't appreciate the hard work I had done because I kept looking at all I still had to do and that is the WRONG way to do this.  We cannot keep doing this to ourselves.  Getting healthy and losing weight will not happen overnight but it WILL happen.  Each day has to be a triumph.  What did that penguin in Happy Feet say, "give it a Try & follow with a great big UMPH" (or something like that) You have to appreciate your small victories EVERY DAY in order to REACH the big ones.  I wish someone had really explained that to me or just took the time to help me celebrate them. And NOT celebrate them with food, just be happy in the moment.  Realize that 2 weeks ago you could not zip those pants and today you are wearing them out. That is HUGE, don't you think so? 

Now here is the kicker, tell me 

Would you be happy for ME if I told you that?  Would You?

SO WHY ARE YOU NOT HAPPY FOR YOURSELF???

(think about that for a minute)

We will encourage, rejoice, compliment, congratulate & celebrate our friends smallest accomplishments but then 'poopoo' on our own.  How mean are we to ourselves? Getting healthy & loosing weight is a kind & loving thing to do for your body. So why would you not Celebrate & Congratulate yourself for ANY step or accomplishment you have?  WHY???

So here is my Compliment to me, "I am so proud of you Donna, today you have lost 20.6 lbs since Oct. 7 and in those 5 1/2 weeks you even went on a week cruise, you stuck to it, made good choices, gave it your all and SUCCEEDED in getting healthier. You are beautiful & loving and I know you will keep it going by taking care of this body you have been given. I AM PROUD OF YOU and you DESERVE every bit of this."

Today is November 14, I want all of you to sit back and think about at least 1 good thing you did since Nov. 1, go back further if you need to, then take out a piece of paper and write down how PROUD you are of yourself, just like I did above. Address it to yourself like I did and put it on your bathroom mirror (I will to) and every day we will look at it and be PROUD of ourselves for the previous day and strive to do something healthy for this new day to come.

Have a beautiful day everyone, 

you are all amazing & strong and are fighting just like I am. 

Let's do this together and get a jump start on 2015 and make 

it the Year of Transformations!

WHY ??

What is your WHY ?

I was asked this recently about another area of my life and it was an eye opener, but after speaking with a beautiful woman on Sunday who is also in the process of her cleanse we discussed our WHY about this transformation. 
Why are you trying to loose weight?

If you answer this with 'because I want to be a size 6 or get into my high school jeans' I won't believe you.  Oh sure, I personally have said that a MILLION times to myself in the past, I still have my favorite pair of size 10 jeans packed away for 'one day' and some other favorite outfits but that has NEVER been enough.

How do I know it's not enough? Because I am STILL not wearing them and STILL trying to get into them!  If a smaller size was enough motivation to loose the weight then NONE of us would be overweight, 

so clearly it's NOT our WHY.

So you need to drill down, ask yourself questions and if you can't do that get a good friend or email ME and I will help you. There is a deeper reason you need to find in order to 'flip the switch' and transform your life.  You need to find out what it is that is truly bothering you and when you do find your WHY, it will make you CRY.  Mine certainly did.

 Whether you have 5 lbs, 25 lbs, 50lbs or 100+ like me we all want to be healthier and behind those skinny jeans (or a tailored suit for you guys) there are more substantial & deeper feelings, an intense burning desire for something else and when you figure out what that is the light-bulb will go off and suddenly it will click, and when it does....WATCH OUT!

It's clicking for me now. For over a year now I have learned a lot about the "D" word (diets), clean eating, eating green and a healthier life style and I FINALLY GET IT!  I have discovered what it is I want, not on the outside but the INSIDE and guess what.....it's the real motivator.  It all started with a wonderful friend introducing me to my cleanse and from there it exploded!  It truly was a TRANSFORMATION of more than just the body, but of my mind & heart of how I wanted to feel in so many areas of my life, taking control of it and MAKING IT HAPPEN.

How do you feel right now? I want you to stop and think for a moment, write your answers on a piece of paper to these questions: 

• How do I feel about my health?
• How do I feel about where I am in taking care of myself and my family?
• Am I truly happy with where I am?

Your answers to those questions are going to start your journey to taking back control of your health AND your life and when you do, you are going to be AMAZED at how good you feel and what you can accomplish.

I had a small victory this morning which inspired me to share all this with you.  I get it now and I don't want it to stop, but MORE than that, I want to help others get HERE. I want to share what it has taken me SO LONG to figure out so you don't have to suffer like I did. 

WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER and I hope you will let me help. Feel free to comment or email me at any time, take the first step to reach out and ask for help. Someone did that for me and it has changed everything.

Have a great day and LOVE YOURSELF!

My 10 Day Cleanse Day-by-Day

So one of the things I decided to do during my Transformation was to make a small video clip at the end of each day just describing it's events. My feelings, my emotions & my struggles so I could go back and reflect on how it was for me AND in case anyone else was curious about what it was like day to day, they could also see.

After each video I watched it back and a couple of times I found myself getting drawn into what I was saying and tears would form.  As I watched each clip I saw a woman that was foreign to me.  For a few years now every time I saw a picture of myself, most times I would delete it or just be the photographer cause, well, I hated the way I looked. So seeing myself talk back to me was more than I was ready for.  I saw my expressions and gestures (that my husband says I can't speak without) that I use on a daily basis but what was really difficult is I saw a woman who was of NO reflection of how I felt deep down inside.  So as I would watch & listen to myself speak it was like listening to someone else whom I could relate to and in the end, when she said "You can do this too" it was ME telling MYSELF that I CAN DO THIS.  

I'm so proud of myself for stepping out of the box and recording each day. I am not an elegant speaker and clearly I am not a "movie ready" kind of gal but who cares. It's just me.  It's just the most honest way this 41 year old woman could emotionally convey what I experienced each day and if just 1 person is able to benefit and find their inner strength to get healthy, then it was all worth it REGARDLESS of how unflattering the video is.  So please be kind, I'm not trying to win any Emmys here, just an honest & raw video of my 10 Day Transformation Cleanse.

10 DAYS WHAT A DIFFERENCE!

So I did it! I completed my 10 Day Cleanse and I feel amazing!  I haven't felt this good physically in a long time, all those things I listed at the 5 day mark are still hanging on and even better. (I am actually writing this 4 days post cleanse)  I have been eating clean since I finished and still loosing weight.

This transformation was the healthiest thing I have ever done for my body and the benefits are overwhelming. I feel awesome and will continue down this path from now on.

Ok, ok, I know, you are waiting to here the final results right?

Total lbs lost in 10 days:  15.2

Total inches lost in 10 days:  8

Can you believe that? I can't. It took me almost 2 months last year to reach those numbers and I did not feel as healthy & vibrant as I do now.  There is really something to this.  So now here are some of my before & after pics where you can see the differences:

Look how my face thinned & my cheeks "de-puffed" (is that a word) you can now see my ears, bring on the earrings!  Haha

Here is my favorite, I lost a lot in my neck (double chin) and my profile is leaner. Plus look how my skinned cleared up, really happy about that perk. This one made me smile, I though "now there's Donna, where has she been hiding". 

Bye, bye tummy, now it doesn't stick out further than my chest and my back smoothed way down too. The majority of my inches lost were from the waist up, and speaking of waist.........

While I'm not thrilled about showing off this shot (sport bra people) it really shows how my waist went down (you can see the wall through my arms) and look at my shoulders to my neck, more definition.

I realize that I am a large woman, so 15 lbs will not be as dramatic on me as someone who is a size 10 or 14 BUT HEY...I think it looks pretty darn good and my clothes fit so much better and also I FEEL better and isn't that what it's really all about?? 

I will be starting another 10 day cleanse on November 1st......Who's with me?  Don't you want to feel better? Don't you want to look better?  What have I been saying all along.....

"If you take care of the inside the outside will follow"

and that is what I am doing. 100% Vegan, 100% Organic, No GMOs, nothing but good for you.  So please, if you want to feel better on the inside and feel better about what you are doing for your body then comment below, send me a message, email me and tell me you want to join me on Nov. 1 and TOGETHER we can support each other and loose another 5-20 lbs.  A dear friend got me started & gave me a $50 gift card off my first purchase and I want to pass that along to you, so join me in November (even if you can make the 1st) cause I will be traveling this path for well.........forever!

LET'S  DO  THIS.........TOGETHER !

5 Days down and 5 TO GO......

So I promised to keep you updated along the way and I am HAPPY to report that I am seeing positive changes in my health with this cleanse.  Here are some of the wonderful changes I have noticed:

• Cravings have subsided
• my dizzy spells have stopped 98%
• my mental clarity is better & my overall well-being feels great
• my back hurts less as the inflammation in my body has reduced
• I have natural energy, no sluggish all the time
• I look forward to healthy foods
• my skin is clearing up
• I have slept like a baby EVERY night
• oh and did I mention my cravings have practically stopped!!!

Don't get me wrong, when one of those pizza or restaurant commercials come on I think "Boy, that looks so yummy" but then my mind immediately goes, do I want to put that in my body???"   And that my friends is so empowering.

Ok, so here is what you really want to know, did cleaning out my system and nourishing is so well for 5 days have any result on my weight?................YES  IT  DID !  See for yourself:

Here is my weight beginning on Day 1

Now here it is on the morning of Day 6 

(just 5 short days later) 

Do I need to do the the math for you.. 11.2 lbs in 5 days.

Let me say that again. 11.2 lbs in 5 days  and I feel amazing. I am so proud of myself, not only do I feel good on the inside but mentally I feel so much better and what have I been saying, "when you take care of the inside the outside will follow".

So if you want to no miss out in a few days when I post my before & after pic including the amount of weight and inches I have lost, please sign up for my updates or save my page. And if you would like to know more about what I am doing contact me as well. I am not done, I will be doing this for a while and we can do it together. I am hoping I can help others who struggle just like me to overcome these feelings & cravings to take back control of their life and their health 1 day at a time!

Day 1 of 10 to Cleanse

So my new journey has begun but this time it is TOTALLY different than any other time. This time I am going about it in such a healthy way. A CLEAN way. A way that will leave me healthier than I have ever been in my life.

Here I am, so excited to have all my supplies and ready to start!

I'm starting my process this time with a cleanse.  I'm giving back to myself by taking 10 days to clean out all the sugar, fat, processed foods, GMOs and more out of my system.  This will help me BREAK the addiction roller coaster.  Now it doesn't mean I will be "all better" from my food addiction BUT it will help to break the craving cycle that only complicates my addiction.  

I'll keep you updated with my progress, I have some great before photos that will go up with my after photos 10 days from now.  In the meantime I will check in at the half way point to let you know how I'm feeling.

There is no going back, it's time to take my health back and feed my cells the way they deserve to be treated. I'm gonna take care of ME from the inside and the outside will follow!

Now don't worry, don't think that it's only going to take 10 days to heal the inside, THIS is only the beginning, I already have a plan in place after the 10 days are up, nutrition & clean eating are my game plan, but these first 10 days will be my "Starting Line" so to speak for a whole new race!

It's time for something new ............. Getting Clean

     So often when you hear this term you may think of an addict overcoming their addiction, drugs or alcohol are the first that may come to mind but you usually don't think of someone extremely overweight.  Since last year when I started this blog I learned a lot about "Eating Clean" but not from drugs or alcohol...from food.

     What do I mean, "Eating Clean".  I have been on all the diets, you name it I've given it a try and 1 of my most successful times (5 yrs ago) I supplemented my diet with protein shakes & bars.  But as you can see here I am back in the same predicament.  Now when I think of doing that again I have this conflict in my head. What is causing this conflict??? The knowledge I have acquired about Clean Eating is butting heads with using processed foods to get healthy.

     I really am at a point now that I want to be healthy. I want to FEEL GOOD!  I am tired of the aches and pains that come from the weight.  Thinking about another 'diet' and focusing on my size & the number on the scale stresses me out. 

     Now when I think about eating healthy, cleaning out my body, feeding my cells, feeding my body, suddenly I feel positive. I feel excited about taking care of me.   Who cares what the scale says, if I know my body is being cared for from the inside that seems to relieve the stress of worrying what I look like on the outside.  (but guess what, when you take care of the inside, the outside follows)  

So what do I do, I need to be informed. I need to educate myself.

I need to make a commitment to MYSELF to take care of ME!

I'm on a path to something better for ME & I can't wait to see how much better I feel. No more 'almosts' or 'do-overs', my health is on the line.  Being able to WALK is on the line and I'm not ready at 41 yrs old to give up!

THE STRUGGLE......why do I eat... (because I hate food) ???

     This past week I had a conversation with someone about my food addiction. I find it a little easier to talk about now and I believe that this last year and writing this blog has really helped.  So whether this is read by others or not, expressing myself here has allowed me to analyze and really think about what I'm doing.

     So back to what I asked, "Why do I eat?"  Most people eat because they are hungry and they want to fuel their bodies. That is part of it, I mean I do get hungry but I have never ate to fuel my body.  Think about those words for a minute, "FUEL   YOUR  BODY"  Oh, you mean there is a purpose for eating?????  Imagine that!  As I have talked about before, I grew up with little to no nutrition advice, our family ate what we could afford, fruits & vegetables were only when we visited certain relatives or friends, ask any of my family, I grew up on macaroni & cheese with fish sticks (and not the name brand OH NO!)  I remember as a kid wanting the Kraft brand cause their noodles were curved and we always got the generic AND our fish sticks were FLAT, not round like the Gorton's brand.  LOL  The things we recall huh?

     I even remember my father at the end of the table, his 4 daughters (under 10 yrs old) around the table and him not eating, why? He was waiting to make sure we all got enough to eat before he would eat. So when dinner was there, you ate all that you were given till you were full. Going to grandma's house was a treat 'cause she always had 'the good food'.  I won't go into all the yummies that grandma had, but you all know how it is. Mine always had name brand foods and THAT was great!  So many of my childhood memories were about food.  Those things shape us and we don't even know it at the time.

     Jump just 31 years in the future to today (yes that gives away my age for those of you who want to do the math) and I struggle EVERY DAY with food.

I HATE IT!  I HATE THAT FOOD IS AN ISSUE!  I HATE THAT FOOD IS A PROBLEM!  

I HATE FOOD!

......and yet I LOVE it at the same time.  A LOVE / HATE relationship with anything can be deadly and I feel that is where I am. I am at a point that if I don't mend my relationship with food soon, it could lead to death, or a version of life that is so unpleasant that I don't want to live.

     So....WHY do I eat?  I eat for every other reason EXCEPT for being hungry.  Those of you who don't struggle with any sort of eating issue are like "Huh...what do you mean eating doesn't have to do with hunger....of course it does."  Well guess what......there are many of us out here that struggle every day with food and WISH we didn't!
So then, what are my reasons for eating, I made a list..... (in no particular order)

• Angry
• Sad
• Worried
• Frustrated
• Lonely
• Bored
• Happy
• Excited
• Depressed
• Disappointed
• Trapped
• Let Down
• Celebratory
• Pissed Off! (sorry to use that word but it happens)
• Anxiety
• Feeling left out
• Unimportant
• Useless

     Get the picture, just about every feeling I can have takes me to food. Now yes, Happy is in there, and why is that? Well even when I am getting together with friends or doing something fun, it revolves around food. Whether we cook or go out to eat I feel that way. So yeah, just about any emotion you can think leads to food, NEVER hunger.  Oh sure, if I get hungry I eat but that doesn't happen much cause I have already eaten for all the other reasons so I don't let myself get hungry.  And something else I have learned in this last year, I fear getting hungry. HUH?  I don't know but when it comes time for a meal whether at home or out somewhere else, there is a little worry wort in my head that is concerned if I will get 'enough' to eat.

That is the FIRST time I have EVER admitted that out loud.  But it's true.  I wish I knew why or where that started cause I have never gone hungry but I worry about not being 'full".  People talk about eating til their satisfied but for me, I can't judge that feeling, full is when you can't eat any more and THAT my friends is another part of my problem, portion control. But that is for another day. Now you know why I eat, I am so ashamed this is the case and I am so embarrassed right now for admitting all this BUT it's the truth.  I have to believe I am not alone in this but if I am, now you know a little more about me and my struggle.  

Back at it again.

     I can't believe it has almost been a year since my last post.  So much has happened (and not happened).  One thing that definitely has NOT happened is any success in my weight loss. My struggles continue.  My food addiction continues, I just can't seem to beat it.  I have tried SO MANY times in the last year to "get back on tract" and a couple of times have started well but always end up the same, falling off the wagon and eating whatever I can get my hands on.  (I actually would have brain surgery if it would stop me from thinking about food all the time)  I know my family is disappointed in me though they never say it, but I can tell. I just pretend like I can't.  It's the elephant in the room.  I think if I had never lost the weight before maybe it wouldn't be so awkward but I have and now that it is back and my try/fail record is stacking up, well, it's the subject that everyone wants cleared up but no one wants to address.  I am sure they don't want to hurt my feelings and I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I can't bear to discuss it, so I pretend it doesn't exist on the outside while I am dying on the inside.

     So what is new with me right now?  Well I am trying again.  Giving it another go. I think the fact that I keep trying shows there is something inside of me that is not ready to give up although a few times over this past year in my mind I have been like, "be happy with yourself" or "just learn to love who you are and how you look" but it's just words, that couldn't be farther from the truth.  I am SO unhappy with myself right now that it's absolutely pitiful. I think if I heard anyone else say out loud the things that I am saying in my head I would think that person was utterly hopeless and yet, that is how I feel sometimes.

     There is one thing I have come to learn about myself, when I can not control my "diet" and am throwing all caution to the wind, for the moment there is a huge weight off my shoulders BUT I start becoming very negative in other areas of my life, taking care of my home, being a mom, a friend, a wife.  I beat myself up and it starts to show in my productivity.
     Now on the other hand when I am taking control and being successful at it, it's like a new life in my steps.  I hold my head up, I am more positive about what I am doing, if I fall short, "No Biggie" it's just an error, I fix it and move on instead of dwell on it and hold it against myself.  I am my worst critic, I can overlook the largest of mistakes or flaws in others but highlight and emphasize the tiniest of my own.  I think I really hate what I have become, or allowed myself to become, so much as I don't feel I am worth of even the simplest reward.  I don't want my husband to do something nice for me because what I am doing nothing to deserve it.  Sure I make the family dinner each day, keep the house clean, teach my youngest home school, make sure the family's schedule runs smoothly and much more......but SO WHAT!  I might have just been able to tell you all those GOOD things I do but none of them matter because I can't loose this disgusting weight and I physically feel pain from it!

     Which leads me to my newest issue, pain.  The pain in my feet is coming back.  It used to be so bad I could barely walk and when I lost 100+ lbs back in 2009 it practically went away. That's right, gone!  Well it's taken about 5 yrs but it's back.  It's started in the last month or so. But not just my feet now, also my knees & lower back.  First thing in the morning or during the night I have to grab onto the bed & dresser just to make it to the bathroom.  During the day at times when I go from room to room I have to lean over and the limp/hobble dance that has become my 'new move" must make me look like a real weirdo.  Not to mention when I power through it when I do try to exercise.  Yes there  have been a few times when I get up and go to the local walking track, I turn on the tunes and in about an hour or so I am able to complete 3 miles.  I power through it but later that day I pay for it so badly.  I don't know how much longer my feet will
hold out.
Earlier this year in the spring (during one of my 'trys') I registered for and completed my first 5K.  It was tough, I did it in just under 1 hr and I wasn't the last person across the finish line. Yeah for me right?  I was so proud, was gonna frame my #badge (is that what they call the number you wear on your chest?) with a pic of me crossing the finish line and my time. It was going to be my motivation. But something (not sure what) derailed me shortly after...and.....with my hands in the air, (like this picture shows), I gave up.  Where is my #badge I was so proud of now......I really don't know.  I would be too ashamed to look at it anyway.

     I have been watching Extreme Weigh Loss w/ Chris Powell this season, well sort of watching. It's hard to watch.  I am mixed up with so many emotions when I do. I cry through all of them. I think, "if someone like that (Chris) believed in me enough to devote all that time into helping me figure out why I struggle like I do, maybe it would help me believe me!  I get angry when I watch because I wasn't chosen, I've mentioned in my posts in the past about how I came so close.
     CAN YOU BELIEVE they called me AGAIN this year and had the nerve to say that they saw something special in me from my previous submissions and really wanted me to come and apply for this year?????  In my mind I was thinking, if I was so special why did you not pick me LAST YEAR and at the same time there was a glimmer of hope that maybe this was my year.  Of course I told the producer that I was so crushed from not being chosen and that it sent me into such a depression that I could not take that kind of rejection again.  So that was that.

IT'S A GOOD DAY :)

Well today has been a good day thus far.  I made it to the gym for my workout with my trainer, he will probably have that video up soon on Facebook and I will try to post it here.  I was feeling really good today, got on the scale and lost a little which made me FINALLY  break through the 261.2 mark!!  So I got dressed and headed out the door and just focused on feeling good and getting out.  

That is how we have to look at this, we can't pick a date or event to loose weight by. We shouldn't even pick that "perfect number" we have

to reach on the scale.  Sure we have to be realistic and recognize a healthy weight for our bodies but it's about making good choices.  Every day I say, "today I will do my best"  even if I have something that may be...well....not the healthiest choice IT'S OK!  Cause 1 cookie, or slice of cake or bowl of chips is not going to wreck my progress.

It's the BAG of cookies, the HALF of a cake or the BAG of chips for day after day that will do it.  

So we have to quit punishing ourselves and just make small changes. Quit focusing on what the end results will be and FOCUS ON TODAY.  Focus on each and every little change you make, APPLAUD yourself for making it and look forward to the next. When we do that we WILL get results but more importantly we will learn to love and be proud of ourselves along the way.

Isn't' that what we really want, to be happy with who we are and what we do each day?  That is what I want, to be happy with me.

So I applaud all of you, I pat you on the back and say "Good Job" and I send you (((Hugs))) because I know how hard this is and I know how falling down sucks and I know what it feels like to "start again" ...  BUT  ...  we did start again, we did pick ourselves up and we WILL be successful .........

TOGETHER.......

Remember Me?

     I can't believe it's has been ALMOST 2 months since my last post. That is so bad, I feel bad. I've had some friends ask if I still had my blog and I reluctantly say yes. So why haven't I posted?  To be brutally honest...... I'm embarrassed.

     I'm ashamed I haven't been the encouraging person I've wanted to be. I'm embarrassed to post that I'm NOT beating my struggles but in fact letting them beat me.  I've given in, hidden, shrunk back, cheated, been lazy, you name it, I have probably done it........EXCEPT for given up. 

     What was different this time is I recognized I was struggling, I could feel the stress and see how I was responding and even though I was aware I was not being triumphant all the time.  That, I feel, is an importent part of my journey, being aware of how you feel when you are doing whatever you are doing.  If we can do that ....  we are learning ...  And learning is all part of the process right?

     In the last 2 months I have been an intentional dieter. I hate to use the "D" word but it's the best way I can think to describe it. You know, I start my day out eating right and my "intention" is to continue through out the day BUT something will happen and I veer off.  I "intend" to start the next day better but ....... You all know what I mean. Now during the last 2 months I did keep taking the Garcinia Cambosia periodically. (especially when I knew I was about to eat a meal that was well...."off plan"). So when I got back on he scale today ( and yes, I have been avoiding the scale like the plague)  it's wasn't as bad as it could have been. 

     The last time I weighed was approximately in the beginning of Sept and I weighed 261.2. I was down 31.2 lbs. I was so happy, that meant that "intentional dieting" and the Garcinia had helped me not put back on any weight, I even lost 1.4 lbs. because the week prior time weighing myself I had cleaned up my diet a bit following Chris Powell's carb cycling plan. But again I let "things" get in the  way of putting my eating plan first, I didn't plan ahead and allowed myself to get too hungry, the you grab whatever. You know the drill. 

     So it brings me to this week. I have been tired of just letting what I want fall to the wayside. Sure I could give up on all this but INSIDE that's not what I really want. What I really want is to be successful, loose this weight, FEEL BETTER and be happy with ME! 

     So I got on the scale Monday morning Oct. 1, drum roll please.................

                    

                           263.6 lbs.          

     Yep, I had put on 2.4 lbs in the last month. Now, I realize some of you are going "I can't do that in a weakened, heck, and afternoon". Well me too. But with the off and on eating I had been doing and taking the Garcinia I managed ony 2.4 for the whole month. That is good for me. Now I could focus on the negative (which is what's normally do) but I immediately didn't. 

POSITIVES:

1- it was only 2.4 lbs & could have been more

2- I am AWARE and taking action now before I let it go higher. 

     So that is where I am. I'm not 100% yet from being sick but SO WHAT!  I have missed several workouts but SO WHAT! I am getting back on the horses I am taking action. 

                           I AM PICKING MYSELF BACK UP,  BY MYSELF,  FOR MYSELF!

     So I hope to be better for all this and finish off 2013 with some good numbers. 

Have a GREAT WEEK everyone and a GREAT OCTOBER!

Hills & Valleys - I'm struggling to climb back up

     It's been 2 weeks since my last post and I'm sorry about that. I've been so busy and had some intense things going on. Not to mention all the back to school stuff that I was NOT ready for. I'm trying to be as involved as I can from the beginning of the school year so it will go better than her last. 

     Some things that have happened I can't really go into and others are just the NUMEROUS things a wife/mom has to do.  What I can say is I have gotten overwhelmed, stressed & allowed 'me' to fall to the back burner. When I first started this journey I was making sure my diet & exercise came first and with much success, but something happened, something has caused me to loose focus and "give in".  I sort of know the point but again, I can't really discuss it here but I assure you it's a legitimate stressed.   I'm so mad at myself for doing that. This was going to be the year, MY YEAR to not do what I always do, give in and say "what's the use". I normally barely make it 2 weeks, so to make it 10 is a huge accomplishment.

    I have totally derailed, each day is a new hope. I eat properly, have my mid morning Snack and lunch will usually go ok. (I say usually). But by 3-4:00 I'm stressed, worried, overwhelmed, tearing up and say, who cares!  Then I eat what i want. Yes, I have to admit, there have been some fast food moments. Only 1 that was just terrible, others have been borderline. What does that mean, well I will still get the grilled chicken sand BUT I get the fries. Or I skip the fires and gets a shake. I KNOW, I KNOW, I'm so sorry, you guys deserve so much better from me than that. But my will power goes OUT the window (sorry for the pun) and I loose all strength to make the right choice. RIGHT NOW I am typing this and thinking about lunch and what I WANT to eat instead of what I should. I HATE that feeling. 

    They say that we are in total control of what we put in our mouths. We can control what we eat so that is what gives us the ultimate control of it all. but for some reason I see eating right is not what my 'heart' wants. It's what I'm supposed to eat so it's not MY CHOICE. Does that make any sense?  I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want to FEEL good..........so why are those wants not stronger than my WANT to eat Mexican? (which I haven't done, I just have been thinking about it). I know I'm headed on a downward spiral, I see it coming. I see myself starting to withdraw & I don't want to completely de-rail. I want to catch it now but I'm not sure how to pick myself up from this at the moment. 

     I was watching an episode of Extreme Weight Loss and I couldn't hold back the tears. I NEED someone who can look into me and understand what I'm going through. Someone who can say "you are feeling this because of this" and help me learn how to figure it out. I have been so fortunate with what has come my way thus far, a great trainer, ability to work out at a gym as much as I need & wonderful people supporting me. But I recognize I still need a lot of help. I guess writing all this down is my first step to facing it and then dealing with it. 

     So right now I am seriously frustrated with myself & how I have been handling things. I have been putting on a strong face & smile for those who do see me and avoiding the others.  Today is my training session with Jumaane. I don't know if I can tell him all this, I don't want to let him down, I want to be strong and make a change that he can be proud of. So why can't I just be proud of me? Why don't I worry about disappointing myself. 

     Gotta figure out how to get through this. 

GARCINIA CAMBOGIA - Does it make a difference???

     So if you are on this weight loss journey with me, then you have been bombarded also with every kind of 'supplement' out there.  So many promising this and promising that. But we are not stupid, when you read the small print, they all go 'hand in hand' with a healthy diet and exercise.  Well Duh!!!!  If you do that you are going to loose weight anyway.  Sure, some of them may help speed up your metabolism or curb your hunger & cravings, but either they have some unpleasant side effects OR you just can't afford them.

     Regardless, I have been tempted (repeatedly) but to no avail I decided not to.  Not for any moral reasons like "I'm gonna do this on my own" or anything like that, but mostly cause I just didn't know which ones to take and most I just can't afford.

     Now I have been looking at Green Coffee Bean & Raspberry Ketones, Dr. Oz has talked alot about them on his shows and they are mearly just natural herbs that can help, but they don't work for everyone and EVERYONE out there has their own brand, which to choose. 

     Well recently I saw a clip about something called Garcinia Cambogia. They said that Dr. Oz supported it but I know to do my own research, so I did.  I discovered that he has actually done 3 different shows talking about this product.  Here are the exactly articles & videos I watched that really gave me some great information: (these are just a couple articles, please do your own research)

Garcinia Cambogia (HCA): Is This Right for You?   This article will give you some great basic facts about just what is the supplement and what it can do.

Click Here for a link to his Part III video that gives guidelines for what to look for when you buy it.

     So basically what I did, after reading all I could and seeing what Dr. Oz had to say about it, I went to my local Herb Shop with the guidelines in hand to see if they carried the product.
They did!  The price was fair, $30 for a bottle of 120 500mg capsules, and depending on how many I took per day, the bottle could last me 20-45 days.  So I thought, let's give it a try.

     I started taking them on Tuesday July 16 dinner time.  So that is now just been a week.  I understand that I won't see a pound change right away, if you have read & watched everything you will see that while it stops fat absorption and shrinks fat cells it also helps feed and build your muscles, which we ALL KNOW weights more than fat.  So what I should see is a difference in inches.  Now we have all said it, "I don't care if I weigh 300 lbs if I  wear a size 6" Now we don't mean that but what we do realize is that body composition is unique to everyone.  I know that if I weight 160 lbs at 5'4", I will NOT look the same as someone who is 5'7".  So if I am seeing a difference in my clothes then I know I must be doing something right and that the pounds will catch up. That is just how it happens.  

This is what they look like, about the size

of your average vitamin, but in an easy to 

swallow capsule. They are VERY light

weight, so that helps with swallowing too,

          So I don't have any dramatic inch losses or pounds in only a week to share, but what I do have to share is what is NOT there. No side effects.  I have not felt "funny' in any way. I have noticed a slight good energy feeling. Not like with coffee or a 5Hour, but you know when you are just having a good day? Your in a good mood and you just feel like getting things done?  That is what I have noticed and that is great.  As far as the appetite control, I can't say yet. But as I have confided, I don't always eat because I am hungry, my emotions spark my eating. What it has done though is make me aware of WHEN I am eating, how much time in between meals & so forth. That is great because a huge part in keeping your metabolism going is by eating at least every 3 hrs, so being aware of what & how much I am eating even more so than before.




This is the brand I purchased, but I am sure there are others, just MAKE SURE they have the minimum requirements so that you know you are getting a quality product:

1) Contains at least 50% HCA & state it on the label
2) No fillers, binders or extra ingredients.
3)  Make sure it contains Calcium & Potassium