My First Milestone!!!!!

Hey everyone, how have you been?  It's have been an interesting few days since my last post on Saturday, but slowly I truckin' along and I keep chip, chip, chippin' away.  It's crazy, I have had some wonderful conversations with some very special people in the last couple of days and what I realized is this, I can offer some great simple & probably motivating advice and yet not listen to it myself.  Mostly referring to the negative thoughts and being happy with your accomplishments, no matter how small.  My negative thoughs have been beating me up lately and I think part of this whole process is learning to stop them and say something positive to myself, EVEN if  I don't believe it at that moment, say it again, and again, and again. Write it on a  note and tape it to my mirror, car or nightstand.

Tell Yourself:

 YOU ARE WORTH IT!

YOU ARE ABLE! YOU ARE SOMEBODY!

So......let me tell you how ABLE I am and that THIS SOMEBODY hit her first milestone!!!!!

I wanted to lose 25 pounds and I did it !!!

It took me 8 weeks and I am sooo excited. 
Starting weight: 292.4
Current weight: 266.6
Total of 25.8 lbs GONE 
My reward is to go get a pedicure (which I haven't had in almost 2 years).

So this weekend I will go get my toes did!

So what is on the horizon for me?  Well my next goal to meet is to hit the 40 lb milestone. So another 15 lbs.  Not too shabby.
I am having something very special made to mark & remember my milestones so I never forget this journey. I hope to have it soon and I will share it with you all!!!! 
(hint: it's a piece of hand stamped jewelry)

So thank you all for your kind words, support & motivation. 
TOGETHER we can do this and be successful!
WooHoo Way To Go!!!

I AM SO PROUD OF ME! 

Trying to find my strength

I don't know what I'm feeling, I can't explain it, I just know I'm struggling.

I broke down during my workout yesterday with my trainer, I hadn't done that since the first time I worked out with him.  I'm not sure what causes it I guess just the release of endorphins & you're releasing stress and you're pushing yourself and it's hard and you're tired and muscles hurt and it all just comes together and I break down in tears. 

But whatever it is it's stuck with me through today.  I just finished working out at the gym on my own, burned approximately 400 cal and pushed it on the elliptical and then got down and did some ab work with the medicine ball and again broke down during my workout.

I'm having this fight inside myself too to attend a group therapy meeting for my eating disorder. Why is it a fight? Because I found out about it almost 3 weeks ago and I still can't fun the courage to go. I don't know why. I want help, I want to figure out WHY I binge and WHY I think about food all the time and WHY I can't seem to find  joy in things unless they are centered around food. 

Also this last week I have been so excited (at first) about our cruise in December but  lately I have been stressing that I won't enjoy myself if I still have the weight on me. I know I will, it's only 5 months away, so I won't be even close to my goal weight and I am stressing about that. In my last post I set up a goal for Dec. that now when I realistically look at it I KNOW I can't make that, so I'm setting myself up for failure. 

So I am pondering all this as I lie here on the decompression table at my chiropractor trying to relieve my back pain. He said everything looks good but the L5, it's compressed, the disk is bulging & pushing on my sciatic. Let's just hope as the weight comes off it lessens some of this pain. 

So I guess today, with the rain & tears will be a struggle for me. I walked up to my hubby this morning and just hugged him. I looked up with tears in my eyes and said I don't know what is wrong but I'm struggling. So if you are struggling also please know that I feel your pain and understand how it hurts. We have strength inside of ourselves, I believe we do but we have to learn have to bring it to the surface. 

Have a good day everyone. 

7 Weeks & Counting

    Well it seems like just yesterday I started this journey.  I can't believe it's been 7 weeks now already.  

     I haven't been able to stick to any sort of healthy eating plan for  more than 2-3 in quite some time.  So I will say this is definitely an accomplishment.  I can tell my enthusiasm is slowing and because I can't physically see my changes I can hear those voices saying, "It's not working" or "take a break it won't matter anyway" and while I KNOW that is not true it's hard not to listen to them.  But I WILL plug on.  I have to make this time different. I have quit so many times.  I have tried and failed so many times. I have defeated myself more than motivated so many times that THIS time has to be different. THIS time I want to learn how overcome my obstacles, pick myself up when I fall and find strength from within that I didn't know I had.  I know it's there, just have to find it.

     Ok, ok, enough with that.  This is what I am battling with BUT if I focus on that I will get too overwhelmed and I haven't learned, just yet, how to really overcome it so I am going to focus on what my new POSITIVES are and the things that are giving me a little push.

     This weekend was really nice, we had a cookout and got to meet my niece Faith whom I have only seen pictures and the very next day Faith's little sister Grace entered the world.  We have been talking about taking a cruise. We love to cruise and are always on the lookout for a great deal and that is what we found. Hubby Max has been waiting this particular cruise in December that the price was just too good to pass us. So when his parents were at the house this weekend we asked them if they would like to go to the Bahamas. (there is some history there, my father-in-law worked on a ship called the Tropic Rover in his 20's that docked in the Bahamas, he has some really amazing pics of him as a young man in Nassau) Max has always wanted to take his Dad back there & let him see Nassau one more time and since this year is their 40th Wedding Anniversary it just seemed like a good time. So when they said yes, we all sat around and looked at old family cruise pics, YouTube videos and got excited for a trip. That night we did it, WE BOOKED THE CRUISE!!!

     So everyone, I now have a 5 month reward to work toward. But even before then, in 7 weeks we have a special event that we are attending as a family that I am looking forward to. Every year in the summer we attend a bible convention, usually held in Gwinnett, its 3 days.  Now what I wear or how I look is FAR less important in the scheme of things compared to the importance & value of information that we will partake in that weekend, but ladies, we all want to look nice no matter where we go and well, it wold be nice to have a new dress or FIT into one in my closet actually.

     Ok, so to wrap it up, let's see where I am and kinds the direction I am heading into the next 7 weeks.

After 7 weeks I've lost 24 lbs!  I hit 268.4, finally broke out of the 270's!!!!

Yep, 24 lbs guys, 1 lbs shy of my pedicure so you KNOW what I WILL be doing next week!

DOWN 24 lbs in 7 weeks

7 WEEK Goal by Aug. 16 - Lose 15 lbs / Weigh at least 253.4

I think I can do it, what do you think???

Now, I want to find a goal in between the 7 weeks & 5 month for the cruise, but between now & Dec. 8 which is 5 months & 1 week, I want to hit 200 lbs, that means I would have to lose 68.4 lbs.

Is that reasonable? Is that possible? Can I do it?

I  THINK  I  CAN !!

I  KNOW  I  CAN !!!!

WHO IS WITH ME????????????

Any suggestions on some in between goals to help break it down and keep me motivated?  

The 6 Week Milestone

6 WEEKS !!  WooHoo !!  

     Well it has been a few days since I posted, my last one was really hard to put out there and my bad day has had it's residual effects.  I took the weekend to just decompress.  I had been go, go, going so much with work, training, trying to get trained on a small work-from-home PT gig to help with the money situation and I think it all just took a toll on me.  So I literally did NOTHING on Saturday (didn't even get dressed) and my brained needed it.

     So Monday rolled around and I said, "get right back on that horse".  It's not like I really "fell off" so to speak but I just lost my 'Umph"  you know.  I have not been able to stick to any sort of 'diet' plan (yeah I said the D word but only for description sake, we ALL KNOW this is a lifestyle) for more than 2 weeks so to make it to the 6 week mark is a big deal. Monday night was boot camp and I have some great pictures from that. It was a great workout, my chest was on FIRE from the intense Thunder/Lightening round on the elliptical. Then we went to floor work where we worked our chest, arms & abs.  What a great workout, it's Wednesday and my abs are still feeling it!

Here we are all doing "6 inches" which means we have to lift our legs 6 in. off the ground while touching our neighbors feet and hold it.

Believe me it was a lot harder than it looks!

We all have 25 lb weights in our hands and we
would lift them for 60 seconds THEN hold
them up while we lifted and lowered our legs.

THIS is what got to my abs!

Lastly just a close up of me while lifting the weight, yeah I know it's a little blurry BUT I
was movin' to get the reps in !

My arms were feeling it!

All in all it was a good day. 

I still have this weird nagging in the back of my mind.

Not sure what it is but I need to stay positive and start focusing on the big picture and my goal that is just around the corner. Oh yeah, which brings me to a subject I need some help with.  All my life I would reward myself with dinner, ice cream stuff like that.  

Well I need to find some new rewards, things that would be fun and really help me feel special for reaching a milestone. 

What I want is for YOU GUYS to help pick my rewards.  So please comment below what you think would be a good reward at different milestones.  

So here are my results after 6 weeks:

Start Weight:  292.4                Current: 270.4

22 pounds gone !

I shared my inches in the last post but just in case:

Arms: 19 in                  17.5 in
Chest: 53 in                     49 in

Waist: 50 in                     45 in

Hips: 60 in                   57.5 in

Thigh: 34 in                    33 in

14 inches gone !

My first goal was to loose 25 lbs, that goal is just around the corner. I would have loved to have done that in 6 weeks but I had not thought that originally so I am not going to stress.

So:

Goal #1:  Loose 25 lbs.                    Get a pedicure!

Now many of you will say, "what that is not much of a reward, I get those all the time". Well funds have been VERY tight for our family and I haven't had one in almost 2 years. Yep I said it, my little piggies need some tending and I am only 3 lbs away from a pampering day. So I can't wait for that.

I have no other goals other than the obvious weight milestones, so can y'all help me please!!!

I knew this day would come........

As women we are our worst critics.

But I don't think yesterday was about criticism. Yesterday was
just not going to be a good one. When I woke up I just felt wrong. I felt like something was out of place or undone. I I got up & got dressed I could sense a drag to my feet that is usually not there. I had felt this feeling before and I knew it meant a day of sadness BUT maybe I was just still groggy and sleepy. Before I went downstairs i went over to my dresser and pulled out my measuring tape. I thought "let's just see if there is an inch difference". So I proceeded to enter all my measurements into the app & when I was done I compared them to my initial entry 5 1/2 weeks ago:      

                       Waist: 5 in. lost

                      Arm:  1.5 in. lost

                      Chest: 4 in. lost

                      Thigh: 1 in. Lost

                       Hips: 2.5 in. Lost.           

                          Total Inches:     14 inches Gone!

I should have been ecstatic. Right?  But as I put the measuring tape away and picked up my phone all I could think about is "Why don't I See it?". I have been really working hard to avoid the emotional eating binges, trying to work out with my mew trainer, stay upbeat and positive so I didn't have a lapse so why can't I look in the mirror and go "lookin' good"?

     I knew from the beginning that I would have to loose AT LEAST 25 lbs before I would notice it in my clothes. When you are almost 300 lbs loosing 5 lbs, while great, does not show up on you like it does on a 150 lb person. I KNOW THIS! So why am I beating myself up???  BECAUSE that is what we do to ourselves ladies. We beat ourselves up for is WE KNOW we have no control over OR for things we know we shouldn't plain and simple. 

      So I walked downstairs to make my breakfast. Realizing I was beginning a rough day in the back of my mind I was still going to continue with my daily routine. I made my green protein smoothie as I was on Day 5 of Detox and filled my water bottle, grabbed my multi vitamin & cleanse pills and headed to the table. Apparently I had not screwed the lid on my red water bottle and the bottle dropped off and 28 oz. of fresh cold filtered water HIT the floor and went everywhere!  Of course, it was now physically going to be a bad day. I rushed to clean up the water, filled it again, SCREWED on the lid and tried again to sit down. I checked email, surfed a little on the net and before I knew it it was time to leave for work. 

     I I drove to work at the gym I sat quietly in the car, face drooping due to the overwhelming sense of sadness that was covering me like a warm wet blanket and started to cry. I DON'T KNOW WHY I just started. There it is, a true sign that my emotions were going to show me who was boss today. I was able to compose myself before clocking in and after a few minutes of talking to my co-worker she could tell I was not my usual self. I tried to tell her a little about my morning between gym clients coming in and I told her how I had taken my measurements that morning. She was nothing but upbeat and positive and encouraging. She even said when she saw me at boot camp on Monday she could see a difference in my body & that my face was starting to thin a little. I just smiled and agreed with her that I have to look at the big picture, blah blah blah!  

     Does anyone else know what I am talking about? When you are having one of THOSE days, it doesn't matter how many positive words you hear, sometimes, depending on how bad the depression is that day, you can not hear it. It's like the teacher on those Charlie Brown

cartoons.....you know?
     It's for that reason alone I HATE my emotions at times. it's like they won't allow me to be happy or smile or laugh or even look in the bright side. 

     But I must power on. I went through my shift but was low and dragging. Still ate my healthy snack. Went home and had my healthy lunch. One thing I could say is at least I wasn't derailing, just low on the tracks. I wish I could say more but my afternoon was uneventful!  

   
     Dinner time finally came and I made my green smoothie and spaghetti for the family. Hubby was going to be home late so he would not be eating.  DO YOU KNOW what the first thing I though when he told me that?? There will be extra spaghetti!  Really???  I made myself my NutriSystem Spaghetti so why would I care, but that is where my mind went. I saw it coming. I had stayed away all day and now I was starting to test the waters. No Donna! No Donna? Just eat your portion.  Well after making the girls plates I looked at theirs and thought, I will just add a little to mine (I had had this meal before, it didn't taste as good as mine did)  and so I did.  It was probably a tablespoon scoop I added, nothing crazy, and I ate my dinner.  The evening went on for another hour and then the family left but I stayed home that night.  I was so down still, I had been crying on and off. I had no desire to get dressed to go out for our Thursday meeting no did I want to face anyone or try to smile and hide it today like I have done sooooo many times.  I was just not feeling it.

    But staying home alone was a bad decision.  It was really bad.  Not as bad as it has been other times but I stepped off and went to the kitchen, I said to myself, "I WANT SOME CEREAL" and I said it in such a deserving voice like I was making a proclamation! Well all we had was cheerios and Total.  Not really splurge cereals. So I had a bowl of Cheerios w/ my unsweetened Almond Milk.  You know, as I type this out I am thinking to my self, "you are one crazy woman, watch out now", that is not really a splurge food but  fortunately I didn't have any trigger foods in the house and this was the worst I cold find.  Then I finished that bowl (and by the way, I got rid of all my BIG cereal bowls, hubby was not happy, all we have are little modest Corell bowls) and thought, I want another BUT I don't want the same cereal. I remembered seeing a small box of Apple Cinnamon Cheerios in there and that is what I went for.  Wild woman I know right. Ha! lol

After that, I was done, I don't know WHAT those two bowls of cereal did for me, but this peace came over me, contentment and soothing was what I was feeling the whole time. I put all the cereal boxes back just like they were so no one would notice they had been tampered with and washed my bowl & spoon.  

I carried the laundry upstairs, took a shower and went to bed.  The whole time thinking,

                      

Changing my Mindset.........will Detox help?

Happy Monday everyone!

I hope you all day a wonderful weekend.  Mine was busy, nothing out of the ordinary I guess and as I sit here to tell you I have to stop and think....what DID I do Saturday??? (the mind is a terrible thing to waste, lol)

Oh yeah, I took the trip to Smyrna to The Vitamin Shoppe to get my Detox supplies. Duh, the one things I came on here to tell you about and I forgot the trip.  So silly huh.  But I did have some major accomplisments this weekend that I think were big hurdles for me.

A quick history lesson about me.  I am Italian. Yep, there is some Polish mixed in but there is no doubt the Italian is running through my veins.  Well I love to eat, pasta is a favorite of mine but really I love all food. But what is more of a detriment to me is I love to eat when friends gather.  Ok, so who doesn't right? But I mean to the point that, well, FOOD is the celebratory part of the gathering.  Even the smallest occasion my mind is going, what will we eat. Actually, my mind does that for so many things, vacations, road trips, mall trips, ANYWAY, you get the point.  Food IS the event. It's what I think of when I want to reward myself, to have fun, to rejoice, to snuggle up, to relax.

I WANT TO CHANGE MY THINKING............CHANGE MY MIND!

I want to look for other things as a reward and learn to enjoy the moment with friends, the scenery of the road trip, shopping without a venti, double chocolate, extra whip, latte!  And to do that means one event or road trip AT A TIME, the whole time focusing on the fun, not the food.

Well I may have had my first successful step this weekend. I was invited to a friends house Saturday evening for dinner. I asked her if I could bring anything and she said we have chicken, potato salad, baked beans, etc (cook out food) she said you can make the beans or maybe a salad.

As soon as I heard that I JUMPED on that word. I said, can I PLEASE make the salad since I am trying to be good and stick to my plan? She said sure.  So I went to my local Aldi, bought a bunch of veggies and came home and chopped away, I had a huge dish (I wish I had taken a picture because it was beautiful) of all kinds of fresh veggies ready to go on a salad.  Then I asked one more question, "Is the chicken fried or baked/grilled?"  She said she had both.  So I knew I was in the clear!  The evening went well, we had lots of fun, laughed and ate.  I made a big bed of greens, topped it with rotisserie chicken and LOTS of vegetables.  Then the taco dip came out, then a cake.  I took a long whiff of the dip, it smelled soo good but I said no.  I knew I could not just 'taste' it.  The over to the left I noticed some bright colors.  It was a huge bowl of cut up fruit!

YEAH!!!  I made me a little plate. by the end of the evening I had had 3 of those plates of fresh cut up fruit. Now I know I probably ate more fruit than I should of but I DON'T CARE!  I DIDN'T eat the cake or Popsicles or cheesy taco dip and THAT my friends was a success!

Sunday afternoon was a similar situation, our family was invited to lunch. Spanish style PLUS more.  I thought, there will be nothing there I can eat so I packed a Nutrisystem Rice & beans lunch packet in my cooler along with a big salad full of veggies.  When we got there she needed help cooking the plantains. So my daughter and I helped out. I cooked several batches of twice fried plantains.  They smelled so good and you would see the sweetness caramelize on the crust.  But I did not partake.  It came time to eat, I passed up all the home made fixins' and make my NS lunch, I added a little of the chicken to it and half of my plate was salad. YEP, I did not eat one morsel.  They even had 3 different cakes and a key lime pie. None for me I said. I actually ended up talking with a good friend about my new journey and eating healthy.  All the while snacking on raw veggies.  I triumphed over the event and walked out with out any guilt at all.

I successfully made it through the weekend attending to functions which centered around food, I turned them into a social visit about friends & family and can look back at them with a positive light and not as a setback to restart on Monday.

IT WAS NOT EASY!  I looked and looked and looked and looked at all those foods the whole time going, I can't have that. You don't need that.  Which was difficult but I made it. One day I will see those foods and go, Nah, not for me and never skip a beat!

DETOX

Ok, so about that.  I started on Sunday taking my Cleaner pills that night and then today I started w/ a Protein Greens shake and my pills.  So far it's been find.  I have just had regular trips to the

This morning's green shake
w/ my cleaner pills & a large
glass of water. Also a NS muffin

bathroom, no stomach pains, uncomfortable movements or anything like that. It's like things are starting to get going a bit better.  I will keep you posted as the week goes on but so far so good.

I feel good, I'm not as tired as I usually am at 2pm and I'm about to starting cleaning the house which is TOTALLY not my normal task.  So The Cleaner pills from The Vitamin Shoppe are so far a good choice and I bet in a day or so I will feel even better than I do now!

I also hope too that getting all those toxins and stuff out of my system that it will help with  my cravings.  You know the ones that make you linger in front of the cake or chips or whatever.  Maybe cleaning out my system will help reset my .....  well everything so I can move forward (no pun intended) with even more success! 

Whew! It just got real!

Today was my second one-on-one with Jumaane, the first was my assessment so this one was the plan to get me in shape.  All I have to say is tomorrow my arms will be feeling it!  haha

Let me say that I am so happy with Jumaane. He made sure I had good form (so I didn't hurt myself) before we started any reps.

Then we get started and I can see this is going to be a beautiful relationship!

I would love to tell you all the different areas we worked in the order we did them, but honestly, I can't remember all the technical terms. But here we are working on those ugly arm flaps that hang down when you wave. Ok, I know, I believe the muscles hidden under there are my triceps, but as of the moment, I see no muscle in that area............but if I keep this up it won't be long!

We did intervals too, I would go from machine to a resistance band to work on another muscle area in the arm.  I believe that the short spurts are to help get and keep my heart rate up because ladies ..... we needs the cardio for them hips! (yes I know that my grammar is not proper but I am trying to keep it light without getting to emotional)

When you are working out and pushing yourself, it's CRAZY how the emotions surface and there is that urge to cry. I did that Monday, today I wanted to get MAD!  You will be able to see that in one of my pictures below. 

We used 3 different machines and then used the bar in the end. With the barbell he did the same exercises as me, 

10 reps, 9 reps, 8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1......WE ARE DONE!   

What?? I'm not done?

NOPE, he wanted me to burn at least 150 calories on a cardio machine of my choice.  Well I only had like 15-18 min before I had to leave to get my daughter so I hit the elliptical, cranked up the tunes and did just that. 151 calories in 15.5 min.  Yeah Me!!!!!

So even thought I am posting and keeping you up to date as to what is going on, he is doing the same on his FB page and on Instagram, so if you would like to follow any of his posts and see the other photos that he will put out there and here his reports, please feel free to check out his page and follow along.

DJTTH for his FB fitness page

Mr. DJTTH to follow Jumaane on Instagram

Follow me on Instagram

And of course you can get email updates on my blog by clicking follow or entering your email above.

I will let you know this weekend how I am feeling, but...

....IT JUST GOT REAL !