They didn't want me......why?

That's right, they didn't choose me. Who?   I am referring to Biggest Loser & ABC's Extreme Weight Loss.  Yes I resorted to getting the best of the best to help me. But the reason I reach out was not just to loose the weight but because I knew I would get the help with the emotional side of it because I realize that is the part I have not been able to fix. I don't understand it, I don't know what is the root of it nor do I know how to work through it so with their help I felt I would get a well rounded and complete assistance to get the weight off and find out why I was the way I was.

Last year (2012) I went to an open casting call for Biggest Loser, after waiting almost 5 hrs in the hot sun I sat in a room of 14 other people and we was given about 2-3 minutes to introduce ourselves and say why we wanted BL to help us.  I spoke from my heart, how I was the oldest of 4 girls and shorter and heavier than all of them. I had always been, since I was 7 yrs old. I spoke about how I had struggled so long, all kinds of diets and pills and just wanted to learn how get control of my weight and was at my wits end.  After that, they thanked us for coming and I went home. They said if they liked what they saw we would get a call back.  That day they had almost 1000 people show up. I honestly didnt' think I would get a call, why would I.  I had lost all faith in myself, so I lost faith in anything good happening.

That night I was in bed and JUST starting to fall asleep and at 12:03 my phone rings and it was the the Casting director telling me they liked what they heard and wanted me to have a 2nd interview which would be a camera interview.  So I had that interview and did all that they asked afterward, the photos of me through out the year, they video and so forth.  I sent it all in and waited......and waited.....and waited.  I never heard another word back but with much loyalty I still watched that season of The Biggest Loser, the whole time wishing it had been me and wondering why.



Jump forward several months to March 2013 and one night I have a missed call from LA and a
voice mail. It was a lovely lady whom I don't know if I should name but she knows who she is. She was a casting director for ABC saying she came across some recent inquiries of mine from the past (I had written a letter to Chris Powell several years back) and wanted to know if I was still trying to loose weight. If I was she was letting me know that Extreme Makeover - Weight Loss Edition (now called Extreme Weight Loss) was going to be in Atlanta in a few weeks and she wanted me to come to the casting call.  I was on cloud 9!  I emailed her the next day and she replied promptly.  I was given a pass which allowed me to come to the front of the line and all I could think about was "This is it!"  This is my time. It's finally going to happen for me. I will be able to get the help I know I need but am unable to get on my own.

This is Chris Powell, his sincerity
& desire to help others really
spoke to me & I so hoped he would
be the one who could help.

So I attended the casting call.  There were about 10-12 of us in the room but this time we had a little more time to speak. When it came my turn 'she' recognized my name and it made me feel so good. It validated me in that moment that this was real.  After all was done I thanked her so much for calling me as if she hadn't I would had not know of this opportunity.  I proceeded home and before I could arrive (approx. a 30 min drive) I got a call back for the 2nd interview on camera.  Not later that night but within an hour or so.  I was on top of the world. I gathered a recent photo, filled out my application and could think of nothing but my next shot.  The interview went well.  I was able to maintain my composure on camera pretty much, was so nervous even though I said I wasn't.  I felt it went really well but I had a job to do, I needed to make a home video, lots of pictures and such and send it off.  I got right to work BUT it was difficult. My family was not so helpful in making my video. I needed someone to shoot  it for me, I could not do it myself, that was a rule and I had to be in all the shots.  Well the only person who was willing to help was my 8 yr old and as you can imagine she got bored with that quick. So I had to utilize my tripod and still it was just me in the video talking to it cause the tripod could not follow me around.  But I did the best I could and sent it off.

Now I wondered, would I never hear from them again like with BL or is this it?  Well I did get emails back, asking for more pictures, and then some additional footage of my interacting with my family. Well I could only do that w/ my 8 yr old BECAUSE the rest of the family wanted no part.  Did they know how important this was to me? They always tell me how much they want me to be healthy but this was not how they wanted me to do it.  I have my own reasons why I believe they feel that way but the subject was so sensitive it was never easy to discuss so I just avoided it.  But the anger is still inside me.  They they asked for more photos & some additional footage so they could finish editing my video.  Lastly after answering some last questions they felt they had all they needed. Now I don't know about you, but after all that communication I really felt like this was going to happen. There was still my realistic voice in the back of my head saying don't get too worked up but MAN was I hoping it would happen.  The last time I spoke w/ someone on the casting team was in the beginning of May.  Now it was time to just wait.  So I did.  If my phone rang with an out of state number of any kind I would jump on it. Especially if it was Ca. or AZ. (Chris Powell is in AZ)  But nothing.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!

May 23, I was on Facebook and the page for Extreme Weight Loss made this announcement, "Finalists for season 4 have all been notified and confirmed! We thank all of you that auditioned this season!! Best of luck on your continued weight loss journeys!!!"

I was crushed, I had not been chosen, they didn't want me.  Why didn't they want me? What was wrong with me?  Did Chris Powell not like my letter? Was my video just too lame because I didn't have help with it? Why Why Why!!!!!

That night I met a friend to go walking at a local track and prior to her arrived I walked and cried, walked and sobbed, walked and well, felt so let down.  I opened up to my friend about how I was feeling and she said so many encouraging things and one of them that I really liked was take your anger you have and use it to fuel yourself. Prove to them that you can do it regardless.  While that was great to hear I knew I would have to convince myself of it because honestly, I didn't know how to do it.  So what was I going to do????